And when they're being particularly good at annoying/disappointing/infuriating us, we want to give them a good dose of truth to wake them up.
We think that if we shake them up enough with blunt honesty about how they're messing up, it will change their behavior.
And it usually does.
For about a day.
Maybe a week.
And then they go back to their old habits but with an added dose of resentment towards you.
Next time you want to help someone be better by pointing out their mistakes, try this instead:
Ask yourself "What is also true?"
Because it's probably true that they're disappointing you in some way, failing at something, or making the same mistake over and over again.
But it's probably also true that they're:
Supporting you in some way you don't acknowledge...
Taking care of something for you...
Brightening your day when you need it most...
Or showing their love in other ways you don't notice...
When you love someone, you're always going to see their deepest flaws, the unsightly truths they wish they could hide. I'm not saying you should ignore those.
But look for the other truths about them.
Look for the ways they're succeeding.
Shake them up with encouragement.
Look for the tiniest thing you can compliment them on.
And do that instead.
We all believe what we're told.
If you tell someone how they're failing, guess what?
They'll fail more.
If you tell someone how they're succeeding...
They'll succeed more.
Be the person that encourages them to succeed.